Alone (but completely surronded... by idiots)

i don't think i'll be on this journal much anymore, sorry...

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 04:43:19 GMT

quizzes i took cuz i have nothing to do

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 02:58:39 GMT

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)

What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla

Drawing represents you quite well, the art. Like
your pencil, your mind moves about freely,
taking no orders from anyone but has boundries
already set. You are the creative one, nothing
restricts you from being you and you are often
lost and absorbed in one specific task for
awhile. You enjoy the peace and quiet, but
occasionally don't mind the company of others
as well. You're a true artist are heart,
whether having talent or not because a true
artist is never built on the foundation of
skill or talent, but much rather the passion
behind it...

What Form Of Art Represents Your Sanctity?
brought to you by Quizilla

My melia- My love

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 03:56:34 GMT

go to these sites now please... you'll love them and turn the volume up on them too... the first one has a freaky song at the end...
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/subliminal.php
http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/fun/files/freaky.html

Ok now that i've said that I'll go to what I was originally typing before I accidently x'ed out this site...
I miss Melia so so so so much. She comes back in 7 days. It sounds like she's haveing fun even though she keeps saying that she doesn't want to be there and that she wants to come back so bad.
I don't know much to say except I love her so much and I miss her, and I can't wait until I can hold her in my arms again.
Im going to go call her in 10 min.
And I just want to say that I am sorry for every tear I have ever caused her... every moment of sorrow...
I am so tired of making her cry. I try not to but I can't stop saying stupid shit. I really thought I had lost her the night of my party.(more on my party later) I was scared to death that she was leaving me for good...
I'm scared to be alone...
and im sorry that it hurts her so much when I put myself down. I can't help it. I hate myself. The only thing that is beautiful about my life is her. I don't like my size, my looks, my chest... nothing... and im sorry that it hurts her to hear me say that but its true
well i g2g... i need to call my sweetheart before my heart gets any more lonly...
I'll write more tomorrow
scared and forgotten
Emily

Movies

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 02:41:13 GMT

1. (x) Napoleon Dynamite
2. () Saw
3. (x) White Noise
4. () White Oleander
5. (x) Anger Management
6. (x) 50 First Dates
7. () Jason X
8. (x) Scream
9. () Scream 2
10. () Scream 3
11. (x) Scary Movie
12. () Scary Movie 2
13. (x) Scary Movie 3
14. (x) American Pie
15. () American Pie 2
16. (x) American Wedding
17. (x) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
18. (x) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
19. (x) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
20. () Resident Evil
21. (x) Resident Evil: Apocalypse
22. (x) The Wedding Singer
23. () Little Black Book
24. () The Village
25. () Donnie Darko
26. (x) Lilo & Stitch
27. (x) Finding Nemo
28. () Finding Neverland
29. (x) 13 Ghosts
30. (x) Signs
31. (x) The Grinch
32. (x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (The Original or the new one)
33. () White Chicks
34. (x) Butterfly Effect
35. () Thirteen Going On 30
36. (x) I, Robot
37. (x) Dodgeball
38. () Universal Soldier
39. (x) Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events"
40. () Along Came A Spider
41. () Deep Impact
42. (x) Kingpin
43. () Never Been Kissed
44. (x) Meet the Parents
45. (x) Meet The Fockers
46. (x) Eight Crazy Nights
47. () A Cinderella Story
48. () The Terminal
49. () The Lizzie McGuire Movie
50. (x) Passport to Paris
51. (x) Dumb & Dumber
52. (x) Dumb & Dumberer
53. (x) Final Destination
54. (x) Final Destination 2
55. () Halloween
56. () Halloween 2
57. () Halloween 3
58. () Halloween 4
59. () Halloween 5
60. (x) H20
61. () Halloween: The Resurrection
62. (x) The Ring (or Ringu)
63. () The Ring 2
64. (x) Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
65. (x) Practical Magic
66. (x) Chicago
67. (x) Ghost Ship
68. () From Hell
69. () Team America
70. (x) Hellboy
71. (x) Secret Window
72. () I Am Sam
73. (x) The Whole Nine Yards
74. (x) The Day After Tomorrow
75. () Child's Play
76. () Bride of Chucky
77. (x) Ten Things I Hate About You
78. () Just Married
79. (x) Gothika
80. (x) Nightmare on Elm Street
81. (x) Sixteen Candles
82. () Bad Boys 2
83. () Joy Ride
84. () Seven
85. (x) Oceans Eleven
86. () Oceans Twelve
87. () Identity
88. () Lone Star
89. (x) Bedazzled
90. () Predator
91. () Predator II
92. () Independence Day
93. () Cujo
94. () A Bronx Tale
95. (x) Darkness Falls
96. () Christine
97. (x) E.T
98. (x) Children of the Corn
99. () My Boss' Daughter
100.(x) Maid in Manhattan
101. () Frailty
102. () Best Bet
103. (x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
104. () She's All That
105. () Calendar Girls
106. () Sideways
107. (x) Mars Attacks
108. () Event Horizon
109. (x) Ever After
110. (x) Forrest Gump
112. () Big Trouble in Little China
113. (x) X-Men
114. (x) X2
115. (x) Jeepers Creepers
116. (x) Jeepers Creepers 2
117. (x) Catch Me If You Can
118. (x) The Others
119. (x) Freaky Friday (Either, or both.)
120. (x) Reign of Fire
121. () Man on Fire
122. (x) Braveheart
123. (x) Cruel Intentions
124. (x) The Hot Chick
125. (x) Swimfan
126. () Miracle
127. () Friday Night Lights
128. (x) Old School
129. () Ray
130. () The Notebook
131. () K-Pax
132. (x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
133. (x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
134. (x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
135. (x) A Walk to Remember
136. (x) Sweet Home Alabama
137. (x) Moulin Rouge
138. (x) Boogeyman
139. () Hitch
140. () Back Door Sluts 9
141. (x) The Fifth Element
142. (x) Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
143. (x) Star Wars: Episod II - Attack of the Clones
144. (x) Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
145. (x) Star Wars: Episode V - Empire Strikes Back
146. (x) Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
147. (x) Troop Beverly Hills
148. () Swimming with Sharks
149. () Trainspotting
150. () People Under the Stairs
151. () Blue Velvet
152. (x) The Sound of Music
153. (x) Parent Trap (Either, or both.)
154. (x) The Burbs
155. () SLC Punk
156. () Meet Joe Black
157. () Wild Girls
158. () A Clockwork Orange
159. () The Order
160. (x) Spiderman
161. (x) Spiderman 2
162. () Amelie
163. (x) Mean Girls
164. (x) Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
165. (x) Shrek
166. (x) Shrek 2
167. (x) The Incredibles
168. (x) Collateral
169. (x) The Fast and the Furious
170. (x) 2 Fast 2 Furious
171. () Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow
172. () Closer
173. (x) The Sixth Sense
174. (x) Artificial Intelligence
175. () Love Actually
176. () The Sweetest Thing
177. () Shutter
178. (x) Ella Enchanted
179. (x) The Princess Diaries
180. () The Princess Diaries 2
181. (x) Breakfast Club
182. () October Sky
183. (x) Remember the Titans
184. (x) Titanic
185. () Boondock Saints
186. () American History X
187. (x) Fight Club
188. () Heavenly Creatures
189. () Stealing Beauty
190. () Like Water For Chocolate
191. () Powwow Highway
192. () Secretary
193. (x) But I'm A Cheerleader
194. () I <3 Huckabees
195. () Ripley's Game
196. () Coffee And Cigarettes
197. () Taxi Driver
198. (x) The Silence Of The Lambs
199. (x) The Exorcist (new or old)
200. () If Lucy Fell
201. () Lady Jane
201. (x) When Harry Met Sally
202. (x) Me, Myself & Irene
203. () Kung Fu Hustle
204. () Sin City
205. (x) Labyrinth
206. () Much Ado About Nothing
207. () The Cowboy Way
208. (x) Paulie
209. () Blazing Saddles
210. (x) Galaxy Quest
211. () Guildenstern and Rosencrantz are Dead
212. () Citizen Kane
213. () You Can Count on Me
214. () Young Frankenstein
215. (x) Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark
216. () Starman
217. () St. Elmo's Fire
218. (x) Coyote Ugly
219. (x) The Other Sister
220. (x) Rainman
221. () Little Shop of Horrors
222. () Chasing Amy
223. () House of Sand and Fog
224. () Mildred Pierce
225. (x) The Big Lebowski
226. () Last House on the Left
227. () Ichi the Killer
228. () Girl, Interrupted
229. () Organ
230. () Mordrum
231. () Earthsea
232. (x) Erin Brockovitch
233. () Party Monster
234. () The Last Unicorn
235. () Willow
236. () Pay it Forward
237. () 40 Days and 40 Nights
238. (x) Bridgets Jones' Diary
239. () Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
240. (x) Bicentennial Man
241. () Arlington Road
242. () Better than Chocolate
243. () Monster
244. (x) Renaissance Man
245. () Waiting for Guffman
246. (x) The United States of Leland
247. () Beaches
248. () House of Wax
249. () Far and Away
250. () Gidget
251. () Gidget Goes to Hawaii
252. () Gidget Goes to Rome
253. () Gidget's Summer Reunion
254. () Breakfast at Tiffany's
255. () Sabrina
256. () My Fair Lady
257. () Roman Holiday
258. () Huck Finn
259. () The Scarlet Letter
260. () Monty Python and the Holy Grail
261. (x) Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
262. () Monty Python's Life of Brian
263. () Monty Python's "And Now For Something Completely Different"
264. () The Truth About Jane
265. () Pearl Harbor
266. () Urban Cowboy
267. (x) Escape from Witch Mountain
268. () The Flight of the Navigator
269. () The Truth about Cats and Dogs
270. () Walt Disney presents Robin Hood
271. (x) The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones
272. () The Princess Bride
273. () Left Behind
274. () Tribulation Force
275. () Brave New World
276. (x) Duck Tales: Treasure of the Lost Lamp
277. (x) American Beauty
278. () Being John Malkovich
279. () Brokedown Palace
280. (x) Death to Smoochy
281. () Disturbing Behavior
282. () Hannibal
283. () Igby Goes Down
284. () Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
285. () Office Space
286. () The Virgin Suicides
287. () What Dreams May Come
288. () The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (BBC Version)
289. (x) The Royal Tenenbaums
290. () A Midsummer Night's Dream
291. (x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
292. (x) XXX
293. (x) Phantom of the Opera (the new one)
294. (x) Paint Your Wagon
295. (x) Grease
296. (x) Clue
297. (x) Back to the Future (any or all)
298. () A Beautiful Mind
299. () Cold Comfort Farm (with Kate Beckinsale)
300. () What's Up, Doc?
301. (x) An Americal Tail
302. (x) Fieval Goes West
303. (x) A Goofy Movie
304. (x) An Extremely Goofy Movie
305. (x) Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom
306. (x) Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade
307. () The Believer
308. () The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
309. () Fever Pitch
310. () Racing Stripes
311. () The Aviator
312. (x) National Treasure
313. () Cellular
314. (x) DareDevil
315. () Elektra
316. (x) Hulk
317. (x) Blast From the Past
318. () Junior
319. (x) Kindergarten Cop
320. (x) Anastasia
321. () Brother Bear
322. () Total Recall
323. () Natural Born Killers
324. () DOGMA
325. (x) clerks
326. () Scream If You Know What I Did Last Summer
327. (x) I Know What You Did Last Summer
328. () Grease 2
329. (x) The Mask
330. () Nell
331. () The Rundown
332. (x) The Grudge
333. () Romeo Must Die
334. (x) Shanghi Knights
335. (x) Shanghi Noon
336. () Stroy of Us
337. () Stuck on You
338. (x) Mission Impossible
339. (x) MI:2
340. () Alien
341. (x) The Recruit
342: (x) My Best Friends Wedding
343. () The pianist
344. () Schindler's list
345. () Frequency
346. () a royal wedding
347. (x) Jaws (any or all)
348. () Interview with a vampire
349. () Lost boys
350. (x) Sleepy Hollow
351. (x) Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
352. (x) Without a Paddle
353. () SuperSize Me
354. () Welcome to Mooseport
355. (x)AntiTrust
356. (x) A League of Their Own
357. (x) Everafter
358. () American Anthem
359. () City of Angels
360. ()Love and Basketball
361. (x)Dawn of the dead (the new or old one or both)
361. (x) Shawn of the dead
362. (x) The Borrowers (old, new, or both)
362. (x) Any or all of the veggie tale movies
363. (x) Thirteen
364. (x) In the Army now (with Paulie Shaur [sp?])
365. (x) Son in law
366. (x) BioDome
367. (x) The Craft

help me, I've fallen and I can't get up...

Tue, 31 May 2005 00:41:57 GMT

gawd, why do I feel like this. I should be happy, I want to be happy... I've had the best 2 weekends of my life right in a row. Yesterday was beyond perfect and yet I feel lower than dirt. I am so out of it. I keep blaming it on being tired but I think I'm tired because of the way I've been feeling. I'm so depressed and I don't know why! And the harder I try to hide it, the more obvious it is. What makes me feel worse is that when I'm down like this Melia gets upset and that makes me feel even worse. I would hide this if it meant that she could be happy. but she knows that I'm upset and it upsets her that I am trying to hide it. I don't want to hide it from her, but I have absolutly no reason to be upset. I WANT TO BE HAPPY!!! I want her to be happy! I was staying at her house last night and I felt all this coming so I went outside for a ciggerett to try and clear my head but it didn't help. When I went back inside I saw how tired she looked and I tried to get her to go to bed. She's so sweet when she's sleepy. I thought I was finally home free from bothering her but then the second she walked out of the room I started crying. I don't know why but I just did. I so didn't want her to hear me and have to feel like she had to come back out and try and cheer me up, but when i went to go and get some toliet paper she must have heard me. She came out and rubbed my back and layed beside me. We layed there until like 5:30 am. I know she must have been dead tired, but she wouldn't listen to me and just go back to bed. I really didn't want her to leave me, I never want her to leave me, but I know she needed her sleep.

Now-a-days when im with people all I want to do is have some time to myself and then when I am by myself I'm so scared to be alone. What's wrong with me? ANd every second I'm away from her I start feeling as if I'm never going to see her again. I was just with her this morning and I miss her so much. I sound so stupid, but I can't stand to be away from her.

On another note, My family is back from their Kansas City trip. They brought back pictures. Some of Sheldon's (Matt's daughter) baby, and some of Shea (Matt's son). Shea looks so different than the last time I saw him. I wish I could've went up there, but I did have a great time this weekend despite last night. And guess what Mom told me! Matt's son is GAY! I'm not the only one in the family now! lol. ANd Mom told Sheldon that that's probably the reason why Shea hasn't been talking to Matt as much because he was embarresed that his dad wouldn't like him anymore. We all go through I guess.

Well that's all I have to say for now. I'll write tomorrow when I get down with Cinderella.
Totally alone but yet not,
EMily

I wanna fuck you like an animal...

Mon, 30 May 2005 01:20:37 GMT

O YEAH!!! best shower of my life! I was so worried though. I hate people seeing me "naked". I'm so insecure about that. But once we got in, I stopped worring. Then we went back to my room. Lets just say that today was AWESOME with a capital Q! well i gotta go
Emily

Somthings gotta go wrong cuz im feeling way to damn good...

Fri, 27 May 2005 03:17:27 GMT

Gawd! Why can't she see how I feel about her and how much I need her. A part of me thinks that maybe she's making such a fuss cuz she deep down dosn't want to take the chance with ME. istead of vice versa...
I need her in my life so much and I've been in Literal pain for two days now because of all this stuff that's rushing on me at once. I'm heartbroken cuz of people that are leaving me now. And I knew that I could get on with my life because she promised me that she's going to stay here and be with me next year, but I just feels like maybe she would rather move on and deal with her own life and just have me as a friend or a memory. I don't know what to do now. I was all ready to move on and then her past couple of journal entrys have caused me even more heartache.
She has been saying that all she wants to do is make it easier on me. Well she complicates things even more without even meaning too. I love her more than I ever could have love anyone, that's including Ryan.
I thought I had things all fixed. Chris had left me and so I didn't have to choose between them anymore. And IT IS DEFFINATLY NOT like she was just the second choice. She is always first in my life, and if that wasn't true I wouldn't have taken the chance with Chris and my relationship by throwing her back into this impossible equation of a life. WEll I have to get off now. It's past my bedtime already and if matt wakes up I'm get grounded and there goes my weekend.

WANTED:Roomate for tent at party, Previous roomates have vacated do to mistake on my part...

Quote: Me and Kelli at same time: JOSH! Don't Put the Cummerbun out the window!!!

life sucks ass... so here's more quizzes...

Thu, 26 May 2005 00:25:25 GMT

I'm really hurting right now so to take my mind off the pain here's the quizzes I took...

You are softlips chapstick. you do everything you
can to heal other people. It's your mission in
life to ease the suffering of those around you.
You'll protect them from harshness, verbal and
emotional. You don't stand out, you don't want
to, if you did, you'd be lipstick. But you're
chapstick, and you're happy just being you.

Mataphoricaly speaking, what are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/suicidemachine/1059686001_illymartin.jpg" border="0" alt="Billy Martin">
Your obscure punk boyfriend is: BILLY MARTIN of
Good Charlotte. Hes not REALLY punk, more
mall-punk than anything else. BUT-- hes damn
sexy, has Nightmare Before Christmas tattoos
and sports that lip-ring so well, you just
wanna rip his clothes off...

Who is Your Obscure Punk Boyfriend?
brought to you by Quizilla

quizzes that im taking right now...

Wed, 25 May 2005 00:47:27 GMT

You are the ill-fated lover, destined to be alone
and unloved.

What kind of tragic victim are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You hate not to love but you hate to fall in love.
You can't help but sigh when you see to people
kiss in the park and all. You don't like to go
over board and believe in a small steady
relationship at first so that it can grow. You
also like to think that you can have that kiss
that puts you into a portal and you can't get
back until he/she stops.

How much do you love? GOOD PICS
brought to you by Quizilla

?

Wed, 25 May 2005 00:34:37 GMT

Why does Relationship feel like friendship and friendship feel like relationship now a days????

God if I'm out of love, can I have a refill?

Wed, 25 May 2005 00:19:23 GMT

WEll today was deffinatly a rollercoaster of emotions. I wish she would make up her mind on what she wants before she speaks sometimes. All I remember is crying on someone (either Adam or Hillory, no wait it was both) and saying that Every time I get hurt I swear I'm not going to go back to her, but I do... EVERY TIME. ANd this time I thought she had really changed (for the better for once) and then she gave me that note. YEah Melia you know the one. GAWD! Why does my life have to be so damned screwed up? And then she told me during lunch that she "had to talk to me sometime" well that didn't work because Kayla had to go and "talk to her" first. THat just fucked everything up. All of a sudden I saw Melia Screaming at her and running to the VoTech and Kayla trying to stop her. I don't know exactly what Kayla said but I wish she would've waited.
SO of course I push my problems aside and run after her to see why she was screaming. THen I find out why and She won't fucking talk to me. SHe's standing in the bathroom putting water on her face and shoving paper towel up her nose ( I guess her nose ring got hit or somthing cuz she had a bloody nose- no she doesn't just randomly shove t.p up her nose when she gets upset, duh.) I tried to talk to her, and she just kept fucking ignoring me, THen I started talking and I said some stuff i didn't think about first. I wish I wouldn't have because that just made her more pissed at me. IT WASN"T ME THAT MADE KAYLA GO AND TALK TO HER!!! Then Karen walks in and "fight" totally goes on pause. Why couldn't she have waited? But supposably her Great Aunt died. And of course what I'm feeling goes off to the side again so that I can comfort her. I swear, that girl could be standing over me with a knife on the verge of slitting my throat and get a call on her cell phone that made her cry and I would get up off the floor and make her feel better as much as I could.
She walked me to class after that. Talk about mood swings! She met me outside a few classes today after that too and we decided to "talk " after school. REally talk. Not just me lay out my frustrations and her stare at her shoes or the mirror or the clouds.
So 3:00 came along. WE all stood outside for a while and then WE decided to go talk . It would have been easier without Nicole, and Haley every few sec. comeing up or yelling over at us! Mainly it was me talkign but at least she listened this time. And I hope we worked things out. I never know exactly what she wants or is thinking. I can never trust her from one day to the next . look at the difference from this weekend to today! Yeah i was starting to trust her again after Saturday but then Today... well you've read what mostly happened... HEr emotions/feelings/thoughts/reactions are the only things I have a hard time to trusting lately. WEll I think thats enough for right now...

Quote: Liz at the Teen-leader's assembly on the topic of Teen pregnancy awareness: "Because teen pregnancy is somthing you want to get involved in."

Everyone's always but yet noones at all,
Emily

It's not fair

Mon, 23 May 2005 01:10:58 GMT

So last night was the strangest night I've had in a while. It was also one of the greatest. I took Melia with me to my Uncle Red's b-day party. I didn't tell my mom first. That was the funniest reaction ever. Right Melia?! And then mom gave us "the talk" She told me not to do anything stupid, especially if I was going to be drinking. What did she think I would do? Throw Melia on the floor of the Canopy and start doing her right there? plus we were sharing a tent with my sister. I assured her that nothing was going to happen because she and I weren't dating. Which we arn't, just reassure everyone out there. And we arn't going to be. WE say quite a few people there that we deffinatly weren't expecting to see. Like Melia's mom's ex-bf, Adam's parent's, Someone else that is connected to Adam that he made me swear that I wouldn't mention. O and Melia I am so sorry for anything extrememly stupid that I may have said or done last night, whether it was chemically induced or not...(Don't worry everyone, I wasn't drunk, but those wine coolers effected me a whole lot more than I was expecting)
I'm extremely sorry about the thing that I did before I went to sleep, it seemed like a good thing at the time but then the look on your face startled me and I freaked out... and I said the first thing that came into my head... "goodnight!" ... goodnight? STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! I don't know what I was thinking. Ok on other things that went on last night:
WE didn't go to bed until 4:30 am, Melia and I. WE sat infront of the fire all night, we kept it going everytime it went out. WE were good little girl scouts, lol. But yeah we spent the whole night talking. We talked about EVERYTHING! I told her stuff that I have not told a single person ever in my life, I feel closer to her than I've ever felt for anyone. And I know that no matter what she or I do that may screw things up I will never care about anyone as much as I care about her, not even Ryan. But this also extrememly confuses the hell out of me. What am I going to do about Chris? even if it wasn't for melia and I being close again, things between him and i are different this time. WE're not as close as we used to be. He never calls or anything, and I know I said that it didn't bother me, it still deep down kinda does. I need more than just someone to stand by in school, so technically we can't say we're "dating" because we've never been on a date. Yeah he's my boyfriend, but all that is is a title, nothing else.I don't know what to do. I deffinatly don't want to break up with him, not this time, not again. But if it wasn't for him, I would have been so much happier last night. No I probably wouldn't have been able to DO anything last night with her, but it would've made things easier between us. IT was just awkward talking to her sometimes knowing that I have more feelings about her (even if they are different) than I have for Chris. But last night by that fire when we were alone was one of the greatest nights at the River I've ever had. I sure hope that she had fun and wasn't bored out of her mind.
The music at our party sucked to. So we ended up listening to the band's music that was coming from the party down the road. SO MUCH BETTER.
Well that's all I going to write right now. well except this:
Those Damn Stupid Birds can't make up their Damn Minds! STUPID STUPID BIRDS!
ok now I'm done...
Emily

Ok, I'm a stupid fat bitch, at least im not a crack whore who's parents didn't want them last year..

Fri, 20 May 2005 21:27:04 GMT

Hey guess what?! Mel says I'm a stupid Fat bitch! Great huh? Well I have friends that At least still talk to me when I don't have somthing they want. And I don't sleep with anything with two legs and I no when to shut my mouth. I can also spell the word Stupid. And at least when someone tells me they love me they mean it and I don't have people that wish i was dead (except her) Hmmm... I'll think of some other things later... o and I don't wear short skirts thinking im hot when truthfully she has really chunky man legs... hehehe
On another hand, I'm going to the movies to night with Hillory. im so psyched for the sith! theres like 12 days to my birthday I think
I'm going to have a movie night... We're deffinatly going to watch May! and Shawn of the Dead... hmm... im not sure what else...
Any suggestions?
Well g2g... Talk to you later Everyone!
************************************************************
Emily's three rules to live by:
1. It's a sin to go Comando in church!
2. Chesse is your friend!
and 3. Love Everyone Always!
Emily

Sticks and stones may break my bones but you will always hurt me

Fri, 20 May 2005 21:04:45 GMT

YEAH... I mean awww... they broke up...hehehe

I rubber and your glue... whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!!! :p

Thu, 19 May 2005 22:29:23 GMT

SHE HUGGED ME! SHE ACTUALLY HUGGED ME! I couldn't believe it, it really took me off gaurd. I walked up and gave her the c.d. and she metioned that I wrote somthing on it even though I said i wasn't going to ("Please don't break this one too"). Yeah as i briefly mentioned yesterday: We're talking again...
I don't know if that's good or bad, but for the time being it seems ok, but i don't think it's good on her relationship with "HER". She says that she knows that she will always be in love with me and that her and [her g/f] are no good for eachother. Well they sure act like it most of the time!
And also Melia keeps laughing at the fact that It's her that will probably be the reason Why Chris and I never do anything because of all the things that she and I did together, I don't know what to do if I was "with" him. All i can picture is that day in the hotel room... I love Chris, but it's a different kind of love... it's friendship, it's companionship, it's trust, it's knowing that I'll never have to worry about a broken heart. It's totally opposite of what I had with melia. With her, sure it had friendship and companionship but the trust factor was missing. And I always ended up with a broken heart, and with her there was Lust.
Hmm... what else... o yeah 14 days till i'm 16! Mom says i can't call it my sweet 16 because that is only for "good" girls. Grr..
WEll i have to go to Orchestra now. I'm walking... i hope it doesn't rain. I'll try to write more later!
_always busy_
Hippie

in a hurry

Thu, 19 May 2005 03:31:16 GMT

Can't talk, bed time, talking again... can't do boys, birthday coming...
promise full sentences tomorrow. I love you all
~Hippie

quizzes...

Sun, 15 May 2005 23:56:36 GMT

Your Gothic... Maybe even a bit Vampyric... Your
very sensitive, sometimes you can be outgoing
in your own population. Your sometimes Lonely,
but when your alone your much happier. If your
suicidal, it's okay, because your the kewlest
person I know!....well don't actually know you
but yeah! Write me and Tell Me if you picked
Napoleon or Ron!

Are you a Vampire/Goth/Punk/Poser/Emo/ or just a plain PREP!?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in
the sea, looking and watching all humanity with
curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided
personality! On one hand, you revel in your
freedom and often prefer to live in your own
private dreams.

On the other hand, humanity
intrigues you and you love watching on. You are
actually very kind at heart, hating to see
people hurt and despise injustice! You probably
have one or two special friends, who mean the
world to you!

Also; you are probably quite
political, wanting to see justice done in the
world.

You are quite the dreamer, needing
freedom and personal space to dream your little
dreams. You love to escape into a book or some
good music and just drift away.

Some of your
good points are that you are sensitive,
compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad
points are that you may come across as cool and
aloof to others and probably have a tendency to
depression!

You are the ultimate dreamer with
a kind, but troubled heart!

Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sun, 15 May 2005 23:18:19 GMT

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THis is my dad's new favorite song. I like it. He listened to it like 15 times while we were over at the house... Today I slept in and wasn't able to go to church. WE went shopping at Claire's and Sam Goody and Dollar General today, my mom, sister and me. I bought some new fourteen gauge earrings because my earrings that I got my earpierced with were going inside of the holes while I was sleeping So I had to put something else in them. Mom bought me a new c.d case for my birthday. It holds 128 cd's but I'm not aloud to have it until my birthday. Somehow I split my toenail open and It hurts. WEll that's about it for today.
lonely on sunday,
Emily Reinier

"ONE MORE, One more ride mom, THEN I'm DONE"- Little angry Boy at adventureland

Sun, 15 May 2005 03:07:27 GMT

HEy we went to adventureland to day and froze our asses off. I was sooooo cold. But i still had a lot of fun. Krissy didn't show up at the church on time this morning so we had to leave without her. That was sad but at least I had Kayla there too. All together there was in our group of "kids": Me, Kayla, Matt Lanman, Keith Reid, Abe McDanel, Mahala McDanel, Annie McDanel, My sister Stephanie, and Julie. Well I guess Eli Mcdanel was there too but he's only in like kindergarten so he had to stay with the adults all day. Steph got to do a part in the magic show. That was quite entertaining. My favorite time of the day was with either me and matt and Kayla on the Inverter or me and Kayla sharing a funnel cake... that was messy with all that wind! WE saw tons of people there from camp that we knew and also some from here, Victoria and Alicia were there! WEll hmmm... that's about all i can say about that adventure today. I slept all the way home. What else happened this week that I can talk about?
Last night i went to this "concert" at Cosmos. It was okay but not what I was used to hearing. Weever was there, along with Kelli Mcelroy, Jessica, Brittany, Zach somthing..., Chuck Rabbass(Dustin Shaved his head afterwards), Dustin, Beth(you should've seen the brusies on her arms from her dad), Steph,hmmm... I know there was a lot more people there I knew but that's enought to give you an idea. There was supposed to be a "better" concert at S.T. afterwards but it was cancelled.
I went to the pop's condert on Tuesday. THat was cool. I love men in tights! Dad actually took time out of his life to take me (im not going to mention he made me late by picking me up late) and bringing me home afterwards. WE sat in the driveway for 2 hours talking about "things". Steph wouldn't even come out to talk to him! that made him really sad. And yes I know she thinks she has a reason to give him the cold shoulder but THIS IS HER FATHER! even if he is an ass she should at least try and talk to him when he is making a effort for once. SHe wouldn't even go with him the next day after school. All day that I was with him I was like "Yes, He's Finally Trying to be a father again!" He has given up his 3 G/f's (so he says) and is working on the house. I spent all day (from 1 till 7:30) with him and some of his friends. HE took Gma her mothers day present (sure he was 3 days late but at least SHE got a present...)
Then we went and he cooked on the grill while i went through some of my stuff that was still there. His friends helped him move the fish tank (It holds 180 gallons) and then they all calmed down in the living room (a little herbal treatment *wink wink) Dad ended up falling asleep on the floor so I whipped out the lipstick and was writing on him...
Next day he was supposed to have us again but he never answered his phone and still hasn't attempted to call me back so I guess I only have a dad for one day every once in a great while. Why does he have to be an ass?
Well this is quite enough writing for one day...
froze to the bone
Emily Reinier

Thu, 12 May 2005 23:30:39 GMT

Raver Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I rip my heart open, and sew myself shut...

Thu, 12 May 2005 23:01:27 GMT

I guess Kayla is going to the Adventureland rally with me... that's cool. I hope she likes to ride roller-coasters. I know she'll get along with all the younger girls i watch when we go up there, because we're both in Big Brothers-Big Sister's together.
I've now been invited to 3 grad parties. I can't wait! Especially for the one for Kelly, Christy, Brandy, and Megan. I also got invited to one for Lacey and Leslie, and one for Karie Readal.
well i have to go get my lasanga now out of the oven... later i'll write about yesterday with my dad.

"I'm His Now"
EMily R

Tue, 10 May 2005 15:49:37 GMT

So this saturday I'm going to Adventureland this weekend with my church. I asked Amber but her mom is making her babysit. So I think Chris is going
to go with me.
I got invited to graduation party on the 27th. like over 400 people are supposed to be there. Nick, chris, krissy, and I are sharing a tent there.
FUN fun fun!
yesterday was ok until i called my dad. He is such an ass hole! HE doesn't care about me it seems. He cares more about himself and his g/f's than he does about his own children. He is supposed to be in town all week but instead of spending it with us he is staying out of town withhis g/f. DAMN HIM! I can't stand it.
Well supposably immature and jealous...hmmm...im not the one that had to make her g/f break a c.d that was made, i think is stupid. Also Im not the one that was making out in the middle of a dance and ruining someone's night on perpose but o well...
FINALLY IM FREE...I have no feelings for "her" what so ever. I saw her in the halls yesterday... didn't faze me what so ever. I don't care anymore. I've finally stepped over the pile of rubbish that was holding me back and keeping me from moving on, keeping me from being happy. BUt now I am , I really am moving on and don't have to worry about the shit that came from them. And now i can seriously say that i am happy for them.
Last night mom and everyone made me brownies and stuff to celebrate that i had moved in one year ago! I din't stay to celebrate, I went to Mike's house and watched a cartoon on fairies. WE had a pillow fight and helped clean out his mom's car. AN interesting night indeed!
WEll I got to go now!

Never yours,
Emily REinier

there's a place on ocean avenue where i used to sit and talk to you

Sat, 07 May 2005 05:47:56 GMT

SO, i made Melia this cd to kind of sum up these past few months. I thought the chosen songs were genius myself, i made a copy for me and one for her and then a friend also wanted a copy so i had to make one for her too, then it turns out that one of her all-time favorite songs were on there. I don't think it's a coincedence becase that was one of the songs that i hadn't meant to originally put on there but then i listened to it and i just knew that it fit. I hope she enjoys it and doesn't just toss it out the window. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out just what i wanted to put on there (except # 19, that one i just love cuz my Stepdad redone it and sings it 'she loves my socks' instead of "she loves my cock")
Well that c.d is now probably the last contact i will have with melia for a VERY long time. Tonight every chance of me being friends with Melody or her were really ruined
THey deserve each other
see last entry...

WHORES!!!

Sat, 07 May 2005 05:27:02 GMT

I am so fucking pissed and also giddy at the same time!
Dance was ok till i saw THEM kissing... you know who you are!
I hope you two are proud of yourselves for ruining my night!
and im sorry for trying to keep you apart all this time, i now realize you are PerFect for eachother...
You are both lieing bitches and i can't stand the sight of either of you

On the other hand i took my mind off of it by dancing with a bunch of people during the slow songs...
Harter Clingman, Adam, James Cook(who shook like a leaf the whole time), Ian Logan, Muff, Josh Harris, and then Jason grabbed me to dance during the last song...
Plus there was also someone else that cheered me up tonight. A nice person, who will not be named asked me if i was still upset and so he gave me a kiss to make up for it. I want to thank him, it meant a lot to me to know i have people that actually care whether im hurting or not...
well i have to go now
Night to all...

Songs that remind me of her

Wed, 04 May 2005 02:48:56 GMT

" I'm another ex girlfriend on your list but I Should have thought of that before we kissed...
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex girlfriend..." Ex girlfriend -No Doubt

She will be loved - Maroon five

... to be continued...